Tearing At My Heart
by Pikey13
Summary: My first fanfic. A man with a troubled past sets out too seek what has destroyed his hope and joy. Enjoy!


Tearing At My Heart

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, place names etc. except Gierdin.

She's gone, like the grains of the sands of time themselves dropping, she was gone, and with her my hope and dreams, my love and fear, my sanity.

As I watched her disappear that fateful day one evening, I know that all my life had been a lie, one grand falsity on which she played upon. She knew my fears, and used them against me, to manipulate me.

My name is Gierdin. I do not have a last name that I remember, but I have been called a number of things, most of which are not for the ears of the civilised world. I come from the City of Sails, Luskan. And I regret everything I did there, from the thieving, to the killing. And I blame it all on her.

Oh how I hate her! And yet how I love her! The feelings inside of me, tearing at my heart, longing for her to return, yet willing for her to collapse and die on the road she now takes. How the pain inside of me makes me feel numb on the outside, my inner turmoil shrouding the outside pain of the world.

I want to forget what she had put me through, I need to forget to move on, but I know deep down that I won't be able to, that it will haunt me for the rest of my life, if I don't go after her, don't ask her the one question I need to find the answer to, the one question that will make my life whole…

Why?

Why did she play me, why did she torment me, why did she manipulate me, why did she use me, why did she forsake me?

All these questions ran through my head as I watched her ride across the planes south towards Baldur's Gate, on a horse that I had "acquired" for her, she said she wanted it for a friend, and how could I say no, the way she enticed me, the way she moved, the sound of her under me, the feel of her skin, the way she teased… it proved a great persuasion for all the deeds she wanted me to do. I was rapped around her little finger.

But no more! As she road into the sunset, I vowed never again, I vowed to earn an honest wage until I had saved enough money to go after my temptress, until I had saved for weapons and supplies.

On that fateful evening, as I wandered around the streets of Luskan, lost in thought, I ended up in the notoriously famous Cutlass, its bouncer, a 7 foot tall Wulfgar, eyeing me suspiciously as I collapsed around a table near the door. Delly, a notorious whore, if I had ever seen one, strolled over to me and warned me about Wulfgar as I ordered a drink.

"What'll you be having?"

"Your strongest drink, ill be needing it after what I've been through"

"I, and you'll be needing more than a drink if you'se looking for trouble, and a word of warning, don't try anything, 'cus the big man over there will see to it you wont win"

And with that warning she walked of to take some more orders.

I had no idea what I needed to do to raise money, I could see if any bars needed any hired help, I could handle my self pretty well with a weapon at that point, my daemons had seen to it that I was skilled with a weapon. I was of an average build to the casual eye, but if anyone looked closer they could see my toned muscles, side effects from my nighttime "exercise" and constant training for my next assassinations for my lustful desire.

I was sure that I had gained enough reputation to prove a worthy asset to any bar in Luskan, but finding one that would hire me would be difficult, I would need to prove my self to them.

Yet one problem was uncomfortably coming closer as all this passed through my head. As I was thinking, I had started to stare in the way of Delly. Unknowingly to me them, I had evoked the wrath of Wulfgar by staring at Delly's desirable behind.

She had left not an hour ago, and the first sine of trouble had appeared…

And appear it did! In the form of a giant fist slamming into the table in front of me, sending spider web-like cracks creeping along the table from underneath it.

"You looking for trouble?"

I could smell the alcohol on his breath

"I said, are u looking for trouble, 'cus you've definitely found it, eyeing up Delly, I saw ya"

His eyes narrowed as I tried to stammer out an answer

"Err…. No…. I didn't…. I mean…. I wasn't….?"

It was a good job he was drunk already, because I didn't know I would have made it if he hadn't stumbled as he reached across the table towards me.

I managed to skirt passed his outreached hands and nearly made it across the room as I felt a hand grab me around the back of me shirt. It pulled me around and I was facing a seething Wulfgar.

"Your causing trouble"

I tried to futilely struggle from his iron like grip, even managing to land a few good slugs into his face before he throw me across the room.

I saw the wall speed towards me. I remember thinking that I hoped it was one of those pains you don't feel for a couple of hours afterwards.

It wasn't.

As I lay there crumpled against the floor, he walked over towards me and kicked me in the stomach, for good measure I guess, then picked me up and chucked me out into the street.

As I lay there in the gutter, slowly losing consciences, all I thought was…

"It's going to be a long, long road before me.

((Please review, I welcome any criticism as this is my first fan fiction I have wrote. I will update the story when I get any reviews and tips. Thanks!))


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